I've been all over the place this week, sad, angry, hopeless & resentful. I want the time back that I thought we still had together & I want to be able to do the things I had imagined doing as the boys got older & I don't want to be celebrating my or the boys' birthday without him.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Hard Stuff
I knew as this week approached that it was going to be a very, very hard week emotionally. Never did I imagine celebrating my 37th birthday not having my dad anymore & really it's not just my birthday but the boys birthday too just 3 days after mine. And I really, really never imagined our boys growing up without any of their grandparents! Maybe it was naive of me but I had all of my grandparents well into my teens, which I still thought was fairly young to lose grandparents.
I've been all over the place this week, sad, angry, hopeless & resentful. I want the time back that I thought we still had together & I want to be able to do the things I had imagined doing as the boys got older & I don't want to be celebrating my or the boys' birthday without him.
I've been all over the place this week, sad, angry, hopeless & resentful. I want the time back that I thought we still had together & I want to be able to do the things I had imagined doing as the boys got older & I don't want to be celebrating my or the boys' birthday without him.
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I'm so sorry that you're celebrating your birthday and the boys' soon to be birthday without your dad. I cannot imagine how tough it must be. He's watching down on you and will give you a sign on these special days :) I'm thinking about you all.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ashleigh
DeleteIt really isn't fair. I think all of the time what a wonderful grandpa my kids are missing out on and I am so sorry you have to feel that way now too. I know you are so grateful for the time you did have, but it doesn't make it any easier to move forward. He would want you to be happy and I know he will be there in spirit
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about you a lot, wondering how you were doing behind the scenes. I'm a single mom by choice (used an anonymous donor) so there's no second family. My dad died five years ago, before my daughter was born, and my mom has a terminal illness and likely only months to live. What a hole she and I will have in our lives.
ReplyDeleteAbby, I apologize that I'm just seeing your comment. I usually check my email on my phone & apparently miss some since gmail changed their email setup :(
DeleteThank you for thinking of me though! I won't lie, it is HARD!!! I miss my dad everyday, even though I do still have my mom & I have amazing step parents & in-laws, my dad & I had a special bond & a very close relationship, there is a great void there now that no one can ever fill. I did start therapy recently to help with the grieving process, hopefully it helps!
I think of you & your moms situation often too. My father in law does have bladder cancer but outside of removing the tumor they aren't doing any other treatments. They aren't really saying much about the situation either so we feel a little left in the dark about it but he is in his 80s & I can understand whatever decision he has made regarding treatment or lack there of. Feel free to email me or message me on fb if you'd like to chat more!