Monday, January 5, 2015

New Year's Rambling

We didn't do anything spectacular New Years Eve. Donna got home from work about 6:30, we ordered some pizzas & let the boys stay up a little past their normal bedtime. The boys are those kids you hear or read about that only wake up earlier when they stay up later, so we don't go down that road very often.

Donna & I both ended up falling asleep with the boys when we put them down. Donna woke up about 10 & got me up but I fell back to sleep on the couch while she watched TV.
At 10 til midnight she started hollering at me to get up while she popped open a bottle of champagne, we toasted the New Year & sadly the first thing that went through my head is 'it's no longer the year my dad died.'

I will admit that the Holidays were hard. I thought I would be ok, I'm taking a pretty good dose of an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication, that paired with some essential oils had kept my emotions from running overboard but the week of Thanksgiving the tears started flowing & it's been difficult to keep them at bay since. Holidays were always special times & everything about any holiday reminds me of my dad & I just really, REALLY miss him a lot.

Losing my dad unexpectedly most definitely made 2014 the worst year of my life! It made us reconsider everything we thought we knew we wanted, like choosing a place (city & state) to settle down & raise the boys. After my dad died we wanted to be closer to my bonus mom to be able to help her out. We wanted a fresh start someplace unfamiliar to forget all our woes, I wanted to be as far from everything that reminded me of my dad as possible. Any of these possibilities also had to coincide with there being a position for Donna to transfer too. None of the options we thought we wanted panned out, which was good since we were making emotional decisions. In the end we stuck to what we had originally decided before our lives were turned upside down & we signed a contract on a new house here, central to all our parents & close enough to visit frequently.

Building a new house was a good distraction from my heartache. It kept my mind busy for several months & gave us all something to look forward to. At the end of the day my heart was still crushed though & when it was time to move, I just missed my dad that much more. It's hard to make big changes or plan special events knowing he's not here to be apart of it.

2015 will bring the hurdle of getting past the first anniversary of losing my dad. It also holds in store some great possibilities for Donna, myself & our boys. I expect it to be a good year with positive changes for our future & I'm excited for the growing, learning & changing the boys will do this year, especially starting school!

I'm not really making resolutions but would just like to overall be better. Handle my grief better, be better organized, have better follow through, eat better, be healthier, better my time management, live better. 

I hope you all had a good 2014 & I hope that your 2015 is even better :) Happy New Year!!!


  1. I lost my mom suddenly (though she was terminally ill it still came as a shock) over 4 years ago. Just today I was thinking, damn I wish I could call and ask her...

    You get the idea. It sucks. I thought it would get better. It hasn't. Here is to peace within for both of us this new year.

  2. New reader here. Looking forward to reading more. Such handsome little men you have there. Hope the start of your 2015 is great. I'll be back! :)

    -Living chemical free

    1. Welcome Lindsey! It's great to hear from a new reader :)

  3. I'm so sorry your grief hit so hard over the holidays. As you know, I lost my mom in 2014. This was part of the reason I desperately wanted to go away for the holidays. I needed something to celebrate. (Of course, I wasn't building a house, so I could!)

    No good advice, but congratulations to both of us for being done with that terribly difficult year.


    1. I would have loved a trip to a tropical island but I was concerned for my step mom too & she ended up spending Christmas with us. We kept busy & had a great time.

      I'm so thankful the year done & we are starting fresh again



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